Grief – Becoming a Widow

Calendula

I have wandered through the marigold patch while birds talk to each other. I swear they are calling for “Richard Richard Richard”. I wonder who Richard is or how he got lost. I could spend hours with the marigolds, pulling leaves that are wilted, pruning branches too long and too heavy with the weight ofContinue reading “Calendula”

Good luck

I went to the store after work. I knew I needed to get out of the house. I can’t remember the last time I left. Oh yeah, I ran up to the garden center 8 days ago to get compost. I’ve been in this house ever since. Being at home day after day without muchContinue reading “Good luck”

Sleep’s understudy

It’s late. I overslept. That’s not accurate. Sleep plays tricks on the grieving, coming and going outside of regularly scheduled programming. Last night’s program was scheduled to play until circa 0500, maybe 0600 depending on the sloth rating of my mind. Instead, on this morning, sleep shut down programming at 0300-ish and woke me upContinue reading “Sleep’s understudy”

The shadow, the tree and the road

Life is unpredictable and unforgiving. You must accept the things it offers up without warning. Offer is the wrong word, it implies that I have a choice to accept it or not. Some things are offered and some are just dropped, unceremoniously right in your lap. There’s no getting around them. Slammed into existence. Continue reading “The shadow, the tree and the road”

Ordinary Days

Day three back to work. I am not crumpled up in a ball on the floor unable to function. I am not laying in my bed trying to convince myself that there’s a world worth waking up for. I am sitting on my porch, dogs fed, kitten cuddled, coffee in hand, listening to the birds. Continue reading “Ordinary Days”

Doorbells are dangerous

It was a regular Tuesday for most of the day: morning routines, animals to feed, news to read. I wont bore you with the details of my perfectly boring day. I don’t even mind boring days because it means that, for now, tragedy hasn’t breached the pretend walls I’ve constructed on a very flimsy foundationContinue reading “Doorbells are dangerous”